Twitterpoker.co.uk

I played a hand with a guy the other day - who typed in "zoom" when he bad-beat me.
The fucker is probably sitting there in a hawaiian shirt, thinking how clever he is. And I bet he has got big feet. Like, really BIG feet - the kind of feet that look ridiculous in a pair of trainers, but I bet he thinks he looks really cool - when in actual fact he gets mistaken for Ronald McDonald on a regular basis. And he's German. And has facial hair. Not a trim little beard, but that unkempt wavy kind of facial hair - all patchy and puby. And whilst he is playing he is watching Stargate Atlantis. Not only is he watching Stargate Atlantis, but he is wearing a Stargate Atlantis t-shirt. And he has bought a script from Stargate Atlantis on Ebay.de, which sits proudly on the sideboard alongside his Starship Enterprise model and a purple dragon.
And he once had a girlfriend, but she dumped him for the ginger guy with the twitch down the road. And now the ex-girlfriend posts pictures of his manhood on knobsthatlooklikebuttonmushrooms.com.
He has the autograph of David Hasselhoff, because "I waited outside the theatre for seven hours", and auditioned for Germany's Got Talent playing both parts in a Hasselhoff/Knight Rider sketch. He didn't get through - but made the highlights show, and is now a minor celebrity - though not for the reason he thinks.
His password on all internet sites is "L'oreal", because he's worth it.
Every time he wins a hand at poker, he high-fives with the full-scale model of Luke Skywalker that of an evening will eventually share his bed.
He has seven friends on facebook, all beautiful Eastern European women who all want to marry him, if he'll only send some money to pay for the airfair. Although he has since blocked "Natalia from Tallinn", as he has now sent money five times, and not heard a "blasted" thing.
He wears a cap - at 45 degrees to his head, because he is street. The cap features Minnie and Mickey holding hands whilst skipping and whistling.

And he uses the word "zoom" when he puts a bad beat on someone.
The fucker.